


ocean

by cloverfields



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Background Jinseul, Character Study, F/F, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 07:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15836547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloverfields/pseuds/cloverfields
Summary: Stupid, annoying Hyunjin.





	ocean

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh Big Boy Angst ahead I wrote this when I was sad and it only made me sadder ! this is more of a heejin character study that I wrote in half an hour than anything else .. having said that, enjoy!
> 
> oh also I listened to ocean - lauren aquilina while writing this so give it a listen if u like immersion

“Heejin, I'm sorry, if I could-” 

“No! No, no, it doesn’t matter, really, it’s fine. I swear, it’s fine.” 

It’s not fine. Heejin feels like she’s going to die. 

“Heejin,” Hyunjin starts, her features twisting into some sort of sad, sympathetic smile that makes Heejin want to throw up her own insides. It’s the first time she’s seen her friend look so pathetic and she never wants to see it again. 

“I said it’s fine. It’s not even a big deal. I'm going home.” 

Heejin turns on her heel and yanks the apartment door open, before Hyunjin has the opportunity to say something else she thinks will help but most definitely will not. In two quick seconds the door slams shut behind her and she’s bolting for the stairs because she refuses to be seen crying in a corridor like a loser. Crying in a stairwell, however, is something Heejin can do.

Reaching the stairs, she sits. Heejin hears the faint buzz of 10pm traffic and realises that, for an apartment complex in the middle of a city, it’s awfully quiet. _Well,_ she thinks, _the least people can do is leave me alone._

Heejin doesn’t believe in God, but she knows something up there must’ve heard her, because, as if on command, she hears two familiar voices floating at the bottom of the stairs. She grimaces and imagines whatever cosmic being that actually exists looking down on her and saying, “Heartbreaking romantic rejection just isn’t enough for this girl. Let’s throw her happily engaged friends into the mix.” 

“Haseul, look who it is!” yells Jinsoul, her fiancee wincing at the noise. Heejin attempts to smile in response, but imagines she looks something like Hyunjin, just a few minutes ago, trying not to hurt her feelings while simultaneously causing her the worst misery she's ever felt. 

_Stupid Hyunjin._

Heejin has braced herself for this, and only grins when Haseul asks, “So how’d it go? You and Hyunjin official yet?” 

“It went well, yeah. Really well.” Her knuckles are white as she grips onto the railing. She feels like she’s falling. 

Jinsoul, ever the romantic, swoons. “You two are just too cute! Honestly, Heejin, we’re just so happy fo-” 

“Thanks guys, but I really have to go. Gotta be up early tomorrow, for, uh, y’know...work. So. Yeah, later.”

Heejin leaves because she'd rather die than cry in front of them. She’s staring at her feet hitting each step and the sounds of her friends asking if she’s okay turns into a mumble of words she doesn’t understand. Haseul is shouting something from a couple of flights above her but Heejin can only hear, “Heejin, I’m sorry, if I could-” 

_Stupid, annoying Hyunjin._

It takes the blast of a car horn in the distance and the cold night air for Heejin to realise she’s outside. The street is deserted save for some girl in a drunken argument with her phone. _Probably breaking up with her boyfriend or something,_ Heejin thinks. _Good._

She takes a seat on the curb as a few spots of rain begin to fall; Heejin is glad to see her friend the cosmic being is still finding this situation funny. The rain is refreshing but she feels nothing, just tugs her jacket tighter around her shoulders as the air grows chill. Somehow, in the midst of her drunken stupor, the girl across the street has seemingly made amends with her boyfriend and is now cooing into her phone. 

_Gross. Annoying. Fuck._

Heejin pulls out her own phone and realises her mistake too late. The screen lights up with a picture of Hyunjin, eyes shut, lying on a grassy background. It had been a picnic Heejin had set up for the two of them. Her inky black hair fans out above her head like a halo and the whole image looks like a stained-glass window, the crack in Heejin’s phone cutting the angel’s resting face into two peaceful halves. She wonders if Hyunjin was asleep in that picture. 

She wonders if she liked Hyunjin better when she was sleeping. When she couldn’t say anything, couldn’t look at her, couldn’t make that sad, scrunched up face when she tells Heejin, “I just don’t see you that way.” 

She thinks Hyunjin was better when she was asleep, so Heejin could imagine her grinning and running to her and throwing her hands around her neck and, as they kiss for the first time, whispering, “I love you too.” 

Heejin sighs. She laughs with little humour when she remembers she almost considered bringing a bouquet of roses. _Well, could’ve gone worse._


End file.
